Kayla Mueller's dad has right to be wrong about ransoms

I won't criticize Carl Mueller.

A father who loses a world-changing daughter like Kayla, at 26, gets to feel what he feels and say what he says and mourn however he and his wife, Marsha, choose to mourn. He has the right to be wrong about the United States' ban on paying ransom for hostages.

He and his family spent nearly two years in anguish, hoping and praying for Kayla's return. He doesn't want any other parent to have to experience that. Neither do any of us.

Carl Mueller's perspective is different from ours, however. He came up against U.S. policy in the most direct way. It shouldn't surprise us that he told NBC's Savannah Guthrie, "We understand the policy about not paying ransom. But on the other hand, any parents out there would understand that you would want anything and everything done to bring your child home. And we tried. And we asked. But they put policy in front of American citizens' lives."

If it were your daughter would you feel differently?

No.

Although, after I posted my feelings about about this online Monday I heard from a few readers like Mary Melcher, who wrote, "(W)hen Americans (military, journalists and diplomats excepted) insist on going to a war zone, they are not in a vacuum. Their action imperils other people and it vastly complicates our foreign policy in the area. And I would remind the Muellers that someone elses children are expected to risk their lives to rescue them also. Americans, especially women, have absolutely no business in Syria or most of the Middle East."

I doubt the Muellers need to be reminded of the dangers posed by that part of the world.

Reader Linda Skinner described the difference between public policy and private pain this way:

"Anxious grieving families are not capable of making the best decision for our country. Similarly grieving families of the victims of crime are not allowed to determine guilt or decide punishment in our judicial system."

Reader Josie James was even more succinct, writing, "He lost his daughter and I feel for him and his family. Policy didn't come before his daughter ... everyone else in America did."

It's all about perspective.

From the Muellers' perspective our anti-ransom policy took precedent over American lives. From a national perspective, just the opposite is true.

Sen. John McCain explained it well, saying, "Your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you something else. Your heart tells you that you want to do anything, anything to bring someone like Kayla Mueller home. At the same time, any outside objective expert will testify that when we ransom people like that, then it encourages more hostage-taking. So it's a very, very tough issue, and unfortunately, after a lot of thought, I have agreed that I don't think it's a good idea to ransom hostages. And that sounds great until I read Kayla Mueller's letter."

He's right. Policy must be set from a distance, because if she were our daughter, we'd be just like Carl Mueller.