Valdez: Ashley Madison's real victims

People are missing the point on this Ashley Madison hack.

It isn’t about Internet security or whether people deserve to get caught with their pants down. It’s not about the jokes. Or the suicides being attributed to secrets going public.

It’s about how being cheap, vulgar and dishonest gets equated with having fun.

The website’s slogan “Life is short. Have an affair.” says way too much about modern culture – and it isn’t just America. This Canada-based website operates in 46 countries and has more than 30 million users.

Some people have always cheated on their spouses. But this isn’t about being swept away by passion. This is about a premeditated desire to cheat for the sake of making the most of your years on earth.

Never mind about karma. Let the good times roll.

Never mind about that legal and moral promise to another person. Betrayal is glamorous!

Not really. It’s really uncool.

But cheating looks exciting and wildly rewarding if you take your cues from the cesspool of popular culture.

Even cheaters know what they are doing is wrong, which is one of the ways Ashley Madison made money. Posting your name was largely free. It cost to have your personal information later deleted.

The hackers demonstrated the deletions weren't happening. But this is no great revelation.

People who think online posts can be permanently deleted also keep their camera charged in case a unicorn wanders by. They are overly optimistic.

People who think it’s fine to reveal the foibles of cheaters are interested in games of “Gotcha” that I find rather tiresome. It’s not my business if others chose to live an immoral life.

They are the ones who ultimately suffer because cheating cheapens sex, which is the highest form of intimacy and commitment that two people can share. Cheaters miss that.

What is everybody’s business is the corrosive premise behind the website.

Ashley Madison was built on the perverse notion that doing the wrong thing can enrich one’s life. The message is that self-actualization is best achieved by doing something naughty or forbidden. It’s not just OK, it’s how you pack maximum punch in a too-short life.

This message justifies selfishness and boorish behavior for the sake of the new holy trinity: I, Me and Mine. It appeals to the worst in human nature – and it sells, which makes it a tool for those who get rich capitalizing on human weakness.

Ashley Madison is a natural outgrowth of a culture of self that equates lowering your standards with having “fun.”

The take-away lesson should not be to cheat more carefully and watch what you put on the Internet.

It should be this: Life is short. Act with integrity.

That’s how you enrich your life.