Coping with the mass-murdering 'it' who killed his son

Tom Teves does not speak the name of the gunman who murdered his son, Alex. Teves does not refer to the killer as "the defendant." He does not even use the pronoun "him."

Most time, when the subject of the convicted shooter comes up, as it did when we spoke last week, Teves calls the man "it."

And who could blame him?

Alex Teves and 11 others were gunned down, and 70 more were wounded, in a mass shooting at an Aurora, Colo., movie theater three years ago.

Twenty-four-year-old Alex died while trying to shield his girlfriend, Amanda Lindgren, from gunfire.

The massacre not only devastated Tom and his wife Caren, and the rest of their family, but it forced them into the media spotlight that surrounds such cases and into the ongoing, often ugly national arguments over firearms, mental health, the law and the media.

It is the media that keeps Teves from using the killer's name.

"This massacre happened because 'it' wanted attention," he said. "We know how that goes. And the media helps."

Tom and Caren, who live in the Valley, have asked news outlets to refrain from using the killer's name whenever possible. I can do that.

"Exposure is one of the reasons they do what they do," he said. "The struggle I have with the media is that they can do something about that. Don't give killers the satisfaction. No exposure. Even now the media is using images of when 'it' had the red hair and black contact lenses. 'It's' got brown hair now and weighs a lot more. So either you're really lazy, really stupid or you're simply trying to sensationalize. And none of those answers are okay."

Teves also is frustrated by a legal and mental health system that allows for the possibility that mass killer with mental health issues might someday walk free. That won't happen. The killer pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity but the jury rejected that, finding him guilty of first-degree murder.

"I could not have handled the idea that he might someday get back on the street," Teves said. "The press reported that 'it' would go into a mental institution for an 'undetermined' amount of time and people assumed that 'undetermined' meant forever. But it doesn't. The mission of such a hospital is to cure the person and put him on the street. I could not have accepted that. Finding him guilty was a relief for me, but the system is still screwed up."

The same jury that found the killer guilty is now in the process of determining whether he receives life in prison or the death penalty.

Last week included emotional testimony from the shooter's mother and father. Teves wasn't there.

"I'm not going to sit in a room and watch them tell me how good a human being this killer was," he said. "I was in the courtroom for a lot of the trial, and the only time 'it' was interested in the proceedings was when there were pictures of 'itself.' There was absolutely no interest or reaction when they showed the pictures of the victims."

So, does that mean he favors the death penalty?

"I don't think we have the right to kill," Teves said. "Guilty means never being able to walk the face of the earth again, but I don't think we have the right to take a life. A lot of the others do. It's not up to me. But if you're true to your religion you don't believe two wrongs make a right."

Tom and Caren also have lobbied for improved background checks and other common sense gun safety measures. Nothing has happened.

"Some of the things we'd like to do are so basic that I can't comprehend the opposition," he said. "I don't understand how we don't make access to guns for people who shouldn't have them more difficult."

Before the sentencing phase is over victim families will have a chance to speak. I asked Teves if he would do so.

"Yes, I will go to the final sentencing and say something," Teves said. "Alex deserves that. He was a great guy, a great son. He should have someone stand up for him. Talking won't make me feel better. It won't do anything. But…" he paused, "he's my kid, you know? You do it for your kid."