Vote for your favorite hot-weather limerick
OK, a new plan for the limerick contest: My masters have actually had a good idea.
This was something. The Dark Tower reacted with moments of stunned silence. A few people fainted.
We’re going to put this to a vote. No longer will a privileged few make the decision in a smoke-filled room. No more three-martini lunches with powerful lobbyists and their floozies, although I am going to miss that part.
Here's how it works:
Read the six finalists below (they're in no particular order) and vote on your favorite by noon Friday, Aug. 14. One vote apiece, so don’t try to stuff the box. This isn’t Chicago.
You will not need to provide a photo ID or proof of citizenship, although a basic knowledge of the English language would be helpful.
Oh, and one more thing: The winner gets a pair of Arizona Diamondbacks tickets.
ENTRY A: BATHING SUIT
I have a really cute red bathing suit
With polka dots and ruffles to boot.
I've been waiting for weeks
To show off my cheeks
But Phoenix summers make wearing anything moot.
ENTRY B: HEAT RASH
So to Walgreens I make a mad dash.
I’m a wacko with fistfuls of cash.
I’m sweaty and itchy
And feeling so bitchy.
I just can’t get rid of this heat rash!
ENTRY C: CREMATION
When I die, I want no celebration.
My last wish is without complication.
As soon as I’m gone,
Wheel me out on the lawn,
For a hot-Valley, dry-heat cremation!
ENTRY D: NO LIBIDO
My spouse and I, usually lusting,
Are having a hard time adjusting.
We’re sweating so much
And so hot to the touch,
This summer heat’s libido busting.
ENTRY E: HOLY WATER
The Phoenix priest said to the visiting Sister,
"This hellish heat will scorch and blister.
Your sins are confessed,
So go and be blessed
By the holy water in the parish mister."
ENTRY F: SCHOOL'S OUT
What more could you want from the summer
When only the heat is a bummer?
No school for the kids
Their brains on the skids
When they go back in August, they're dumber.
NOW, VOTE:
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ASK CLAY ANYTHING
Who needs Google when you've got Clay Thompson, our resident guru of random knowledge? E-mail your obscure questions and trivia disputes to clay.thompson@arizonarepublic.com, and check back at clay.azcentral.com for his often hilarious answers.