For Cardinals, Pat Tillman loss was hardest of all

This article was originally published on Saturday, April 24, 2004:

Pat Tillman walked into Dave McGinnis' office on a spring day two years ago and pulled a chair around to the Cardinals coach's side of the desk.

Tillman, an unrestricted free agent, hadn't signed a contract offer made weeks before by the club, and McGinnis knew something was up.

So he wasn't shocked when Tillman told him he was walking away from an NFL career, temporarily, to become an Army Ranger.

"You know," McGinnis told him, "this is going to cause a media storm. How are you going to handle it?"

Tillman smiled. "I'm not. You are."

There was McGinnis on Friday, two years later, handling questions about the saddest of news -- Tillman being killed in action in Afghanistan.

"He was a very special, unique person," said McGinnis, now an assistant with the Tennessee Titans. "At the same time, all our young men and women serving over there are unique. The pain I'm feeling is felt throughout the country."

The news of Tillman's death brought thousands of memories to the minds of Cardinals employees, players and coaches:

* Tillman's riding his bicycle to his first practices in 1998.

* His long, philosophical talks with coaches before practices.

* His participation in marathons and triathlons during the off-seasons.

During Tillman's four seasons with the team, from 1998 through 2001, no Cardinals player was more popular with fans. His No. 40 jersey became more prevalent after his decision to join the Rangers.

"He had a charisma about him," said Larry Marmie, a former Cardinals assistant and now defensive coordinator of the St. Louis Rams. "The secretaries liked him. The custodians like him. Little kids gravitated to him."

No one gave Tillman much of a chance to make it in the NFL. The Cardinals drafted him in the seventh round out of ASU in 1998. He not only made the roster as a rookie in 1998 but started 11 games. In all, he played in 60 games, starting in 40.

In 2000, he set a Cardinals record with 224 tackles.

But he was always a player in danger of being replaced. After the 2001 season, he turned down a three-year, $3.6 million offer from the Cardinals, but he also knew there was a danger he could lose his starting job to Adrian Wilson, a third-round pick in 2001.

No Cardinals player was more competitive. To Tillman, drills weren't run at half-speed, and he was involved in more than his share of practice scuffles.

"He didn't have a dial," McGinnis said. "He had a switch, and it was either on or off."

After the 2000 season, Tillman received a lucrative, free-agent offer from St. Louis, but decided to stay with the Cardinals. He did it out of loyalty to McGinnis and Marmie, and partly because he thought a good season would increase his worth.

Cardinals vice president Michael Bidwill said the plaza to be named for Tillman at the new Cardinals Stadium in Glendale is still in its conceptual stages, but was considered a fitting tribute to one of the team's most popular players. Bidwill said expressions of grief poured into Cardinals headquarters all day Friday, and everyone associated with the team was in a state of shock.

"People are upset," Bidwill said. "Everyone this morning felt a tremendous sense of loss. You feel numb."

Tillman loved the sport but wasn't absorbed by it. The terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, had a profound effect on him. He and his brother, Kevin, began planning to join the Army Rangers.

"I knew that Pat had very strong feelings after Sept. 11. I think we all did," Cardinals guard Pete Kendall said. "The difference between Pat and the rest of us is that he was willing to act on them, to put everything else aside and go over there."

Members of the Cardinals kept in touch with Tillman. When the team played in Seattle in December, Tillman drove up from Fort Lewis, Wash., where he was stationed, along with wife Marie, Kevin and two friends.

On the night before the game, McGinnis, owner Bill Bidwill and others spent hours with the Tillmans. Tillman spoke of his life in the Army, his stint in the Middle East and his desire to play again for McGinnis.

"I'm going to cherish it," McGinnis said of the memory.

This was Tillman's second tour in the Middle East. His friends with the Cardinals were fearful of the risk.

"In my heart, I thought there is no way this could happen," Marmie said. "It just couldn't be that kind of story."

Tight end Steve Bush, who played with Tillman at Arizona State and with the Cardinals, said he never dreamed that Tillman wouldn't be back.

"I thought, 'Man this guy is going to come back, play football again, star in his own movie, write a book,' " Bush said. "I laughed about it, but it's hard to think about now.

"I can't believe he's gone. He gave up his life for our country. It's incredible, the selflessness. I told my wife he makes me want to be a better man. He makes me want to be a better person."