My (free) 24-hour cross country trip on Southwest Airlines

There's a funny Southwest Airlines flight attendant ditty set to the tune of the theme song from the PBS show "Barney.''

"We love you. You love us. We're much faster than the bus. Southwest has the best hospitality. Marry one of us and you'll fly free.''

Flight benefits are the envy-inducing perk of airline employment, shaving vacation costs and funding wanderlust, whether a weekend in Paris, lunch at the beach, a concert or baseball game.

But the perk is not for the impatient, inflexible or irritable, as any airline employee or family member will tell you. "Non-revenue'' passengers fly standby, meaning they only get on the plane if there are open seats. And if you've flown in the past several years you know empty seats are a rarity.

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I'm a frequent flier of the paying kind but had my first experience with the hairiness that is "nonrev" travel this month. A close family friend died in Connecticut, and a friend from my running group graciously offered two guest passes, saving my daughter and me $1,600 in last-minute airfare.

He and his wife must have warned me almost apologetically a dozen times about the challenges. Twitter is full of standby travel wins, woes and prayers under the hashtag #nonrev.

I looked at it as an adventure and wasn't too stressed because I was leaving Phoenix at 6:30 a.m on a Tuesday when school was back in session, ending the summer travel rush. I planned to return on Thursday or Friday out of Providence, R.I., where my Southwest flight to Phoenix a couple of Fridays earlier had open seats.

Everything went smoothly on the flights east — well, except for the middle seat on the long flight from Phoenix to Baltimore.

The adventure began on the return trip, and it was entirely self-inflicted. I ended up staying in Connecticut through Saturday to help my family and tried to fly to Phoenix on Sunday.

Even newbies know Sunday is a nonrev no-fly zone. Flights are always packed as weekend travelers head home and business travelers head out for the week. (Monday is also dicey.) I briefly thought about buying a one-way ticket but the $400+ price tag persuaded me to roll the dice even if it meant a longggg day of travel.

On Friday, I called Southwest to check on my chances out of Providence on Sunday morning. (Nonrev regulars use all sorts of apps and websites but this was a one-time thing for me so I went the old-fashioned route.) It didn't look good but there were a few open seats showing on some early morning flights.

By Saturday evening, all flights from Providence to Phoenix on Sunday morning were showing sold out on Southwest's website so I switched gears and checked options out of Hartford, Conn. A helpful Southwest agent said things looked tight but suggested my best shot was an 8:10 a.m. flight via Denver so I got on the standby list. It would have me home by 1 p.m.

Standby travel means getting to the airport two hours before your flight, so I got up at 4:30 a.m. and was at Bradley International Airport by 6:20 a.m. The first agent I spoke to all but said there was no way I was getting on the Denver flight and even I did I'd probably be stranded there because there were no open seats on the next flight.

The waiting game at the gate began — you don't get a boarding pass unless there's a seat — and just before takeoff I was told no go.

The gate agent could not have been more sympathetic or helpful. She had two sons flying standby that day at other airports and knew well the travails of nonrev travel.

She came up with a route that was not on my rookie radar: Hartford-Baltimore-Denver-Las Vegas-Phoenix. It sounds horrible but I'd be home by 4:30 p.m. I had plenty to read and watch ("Big Bang Theory" is among the free TV shows on Southwest) and, of course, I didn't pay a cent for the flight.

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When I texted a friend my crazy itinerary he doubted my skills as a travel reporter.

"That was the best trip you could do?''

I mentioned it was free: "Free is worth five stops.''

The Southwest agent liked my chances on that route best because the flight out of Baltimore continued on to Denver, Las Vegas and Phoenix with no change of planes. She told me to stay on the plane at each stop. If they needed me to bump me off the flight someone would call my name, she said. Otherwise, I was good to go.

And I was good to go — until we landed in Las Vegas. That was always going to be the diciest stop, as anyone who has flown out of Las Vegas on a Sunday knows. Things got dicier when they announced that we had to switch planes for the flight to Phoenix. I had a feeling once I got to the new gate that I'd politely be told to hang back and that my chances didn't look good. (The flight and the next three after it were showing sold out.)

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When I got to the gate there was one open seat but the paying passenger had checked in. He showed up within 10 minutes and I was toast. Standby passengers automatically roll over to the next flight, but the next three were sold out. The agent recommended a 7:10 p.m. departure, three hours after I was scheduled to leave.

I decided to Uber to the Strip for dinner ($10) since I had only had peanuts and a protein bar all day. I called to check on the 7:10 and it wasn't looking good. The next two flights, the last ones to Phoenix that night, turned out to be severely delayed and there was no guarantee I'd get on. So I got on the standby list for early Monday morning, booked a $45 room at Luxor on the last-minute HotelTonight app and hit a couple of my favorite Las Vegas spots.

Good thing I didn't have an early morning meeting. The 7:10 a.m. flight was canceled. I was fortunate to get on the 8:30 a.m. flight (in a middle seat, of course) and arrived in Phoenix at 9:30 a.m., more than 24 hours after I left Connecticut.

Have you ever flown standby or nonrev? How did that work out for you? Email me your success or horror stories at dawn.gilbertson@arizonarepublic.com.